Sharing more of my art with the world

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I finally convinced myself that my photos are nice enough to share with the world, and that they show my love of nature and animals by the unique way I capture them (and I don’t just mean, “with a camera”).

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Happy New Year – yeah, right

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I have some New Year’s resolutions to get busy with/on. So why am I writing and not attacking the resolution list with the energy of a new era???

before i do anything requiring long bouts of energy and/or concentration, I will most likely have to wait until whatever virus I now have vacates the premises – this is one of those nasty ones that people usually fear (no, not MRSA, most likely C.diff. – but since we can’t get anyone from our doc’s office to care enough to call us back so I can get at least a half-assed telediagnosis and a confirmation of what this is, i figure maybe the pathologist that performs my autopsy will figure it out. I’m so positive sometimes.

I have all these happy, fun, plans for doing things this glorious new year. But, I get smacked with a lupus flare, complicated by a sinus/bronchial infection, which I was nice enough to pass on to the hubby. In turn, when he could hardly breathe, he trekked to our PCP, where he was given a scrip for Augmentin, and got one for me as well! oh boy!

Well, it certainly augmented my body. Random and extremely itchy rashes and flushing on one side of my face, cold sweats and hot flashes with uncontrollable deep shivering, all layered upon a body with deep and stabbing pains in every joint. Even my long-closed fontanelles seared with pain. I slept on couches in the public rooms at Disney’s Beach Club Resort all day Friday. My head pain was indescribable, stabbing, loud crackling moments (yes, my pain is accompanied by sound events now) that take away my vision, slam my ears shut and evoke a yelp of pain, fear, and sheer surprise. Though since the pains came with a certain frequency, you would think the element of surprise would abate. It has now been three days of pain and crap. Literally.

The worst symptom of this “side/effect” started at 39,000 ft in what was the smallest airline restroom in existence. I was sure rows 30-49 heard everything.

From that point on, my memory is very sparse and unreliable. I just know I didn’t eat much more than a saltine or two and slept in various locations in the condo, in search of a spot that would balance out the hot/cold/sweating/shivering.

I have spent the past 20 hrs canceling appts that I had but cannot get to because I can’t focus, even with my glasses. Also, I am quite drained, living sans food since New Years eve, and of course, those short yet explosive head pains. None of these things make driving a good idea.

Things could be worse. A teacher from my husband’s school dropped dead of a major cardiac event. 32 yrs old. another friend lost a beloved pet. an acquaintance lost several family members in a terrorist attack in Eqypt.

Happy?? New Year?
it depends on your perspective.

NOW

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Everyone – even you – has a wealth of experience and skills to draw from – sometimes it takes lots of introspection to find it. Being an only child helped me to learn how to keep my mind busy by analyzing situations, other people, things I saw or read- which can keep me awake sometimes – and in the process of all that brain exercise, I learned a lot about myself and what I CAN do and what I have done. For example, 90% of my many jobs I have held involve solving problems and mysteries. Even photography is a way of discovering the unseen – looking at the tiny details I would otherwise have missed – and seeing awesome things as smiles on bug faces, which lead me to look up WHY it looks like they are smiling, etc…or why spiders have many eyes of different sizes…or that many flowers are not just one flower but clusters of many flowers that get together to be one complex and beautiful bloom.
I have to remember that even if I am alone – i.e. no other human around – I really am NOT alone. I have all the stuff I have read about and experienced, and all the stuff I still want to find out about with me – and I am suddenly so busy I forget my silly worries! As wise souls have pointed out so many times, the only thing we control is how we respond to any given situation RIGHT NOW. The past is over. The future is out there somewhere. But, now is NOW. We don’t get a 2d chance to do NOW again. I recently read something somewhere (I can’t remember where) that said to live each moment as if we had already lived it, and this time we want to get “it” right.
I don’t want to ever ever ever say “I wish I had done/visited/talked to/tried X” when I am nearing the end of my life.
So – I DO, I GO, I TRY, I TASTE…
I have a gazillion choices available to me NOW. And now. And now…